free stuff

you may not have heard me brag about the freebies/perks offered by company 'i'. and that would make sense as all we get is free water. when friends ask me if this free water is of the bottled variety, all i can do is hang my head in shame and admit that company 'i' free water is from the fountain. bottled costs $1.35.

however, while talking with some of my coworkers, i learned much to my amazement that company 'i' does offer free items to those employees who utilize the female lavatories. for within the confines of the woman's water closet, there are (i am told) free feminine hygiene products.

now i'm all for providing women with what they need when they happen to need it... but how come guy's don't get anything? if company 'i' provides women with something to use on their intimate parts, shouldn't guys be extended the same courtesy? and that is why i would like to suggest that company 'i' should stock male bathrooms with condoms. think of how much of a better work environment it would be!

no chewing in the gym room

when i went to the gym the other day and stepped onto my usual machine, i noticed that someone had left a piece of chewed gum on the machine's magazine holder. who would do this? why would someone leave a present for the next person to use the machine? maybe the person forgot to throw away the chewed piece of gum after working out. but that doesn't explain why someone would place gum there in the first place! there are 2 trash cans within twenty feet of the machine as well as paper towel dispensers to put the gum in. so, much to my disgust, i had to remove said piece of gum with a paper towel and throw it in the trash. thinking my gum troubles would be over with that gym visit, i went home and i saw that someone had take the effort to place a chewed piece of gum on my front doorstep! now i live in a single family house at the end of a cul-de-sac. so there is no reason anyone would even pass by my house. and even if someone just happened to be walking down to the end of a dead end street, they would have to walk the extra thirty or so feet of walkway just to get to my doorstep! would someone purposely walk all they way up to my doorstep just to spit out a piece of gum? or maybe i'm going crazy and i'm leaving gum all over the place?

the best way to get more sleep

today, i found that the best way to get a good night's sleep and wake up without any grogginess is to oversleep. on a morning of quality oversleeping, just before you are about to wake up, your body feels completely relaxed and refreshed as you've had extra time to rest. then, when you lazily roll over to check the time, you frantically realize that while you are still in bed, your coworkers are expecting you to be in a meeting that started 5 minutes ago. as you're rushing around to get ready for the presentation you're supposed to give in 10 minutes, you have no time to feel grumpy or tired! brilliant!