annoyed in the air

as i was walking onto the plane today, the stewardess told every single person with roller-type-bags that they should place them into the overhead compartments with the wheels facing outward. i was a bit skeptical that this would make any sort of difference at all, but i figured that the stewardess had to know what was best. after all, it's her job!

so when i placed my bag up into the overhead compartment, i placed it in handle first, so that the wheels were sticking out. then i went to my window seat and forced an elderly couple to get out of their seats so i could get in. as the plane was getting ready to leave the gate, the stewardess called out "who is the owner of this green roller bag? it's blocking the compartment from shutting. if nobody claims it, i'll have to leave it here in san francisco." i told her it was my bag, and she asked me to "deal with it". so i asked the elderly couple to get up again so i could "deal with it". first, i tested to see if it was in fact true that the door wouldn't shut. when i found this to be the case, i simply took the bag out, and replaced it; this time the wheels were on the inside and the handle on the outside--contrary to what the stewardess had advised. and... viola! the compartment closed without a hitch. so i went back to my seat, rather annoyed that the stewardess had not only been wrong in her baggage orientation advice, but she refused to take the two seconds required to rectify the problem. so i went back to my seat to disturb the elderly couple one final time.

but they got back at me. i was rather tired, and was sleeping during the flight. well, i was sleeping anyway, until somebody started poking me. the elderly lady was poking me and asking me in cantonese "drink? want a drink?". i'm not sure how she figured i would understand cantonese (i don't really), or why i would want to wake up from my peaceful sleep to get something to drink from a food cart that had already passed us. or maybe she saw the puddle of drool that was dripping down onto my chest and wanted me to save me from drowning. either way, i was unable to go back to sleep. revenge? or just being thoughtful of others' thirst?

outdone by a smidgen of a girl

in general, i would consider myself to have a fairly large appetite and in most cases, i feel i can hold my own when it comes to eating. and i think most people would agree with that. however, this past weekend i was put in check--by a girl. and not just any girl. this girl is probably one of the smallest girls you have ever seen. my guess is that she's maybe 5 feet tall and skinny as a rail. and this is how it went down:

i sat across from her in a booth at the house of prime rib on van ness. i ordered the regular cut, which is "A hearty portion of juicy, tender beef." and watched as she smiled at me and ordered the king henry cut, which is "Extra-generous, thick cut of prime beef, for king-size appetites."

at least i felt that i could partially redeem myself at least by using the manliest of sauces: the "extra hot" horseradish. unfortunately, i could only consume this sauce in the smallest of quantities, whereas my opponent across the table remarked offhandedly "i like the extra hot one". and so i resigned myself to the "medium" level of horseradish.

now at the house of prime rib, they allow you to have a second slice of prime rib if you should so desire. and when i saw her order a second, i knew that this was my last chance at redemption. so in spite of my protesting belly, i ordered a second slice. after about half of the second slice, i stared in the face of defeat and had no choice but to give up my eating champion aspirations. i could only cut my losses by squishing the remaining beef into as small as a volume as possible so as to appear as if i had eaten more than i really had. i shamefully raised my eyes in time to see her give me a contented smile and console me by saying how everyone was always surprised by how much she could eat.

at least, i can rest knowing that i was bested by my own cousin. a cousin to be reckoned with for sure.