outdone by a smidgen of a girl

in general, i would consider myself to have a fairly large appetite and in most cases, i feel i can hold my own when it comes to eating. and i think most people would agree with that. however, this past weekend i was put in check--by a girl. and not just any girl. this girl is probably one of the smallest girls you have ever seen. my guess is that she's maybe 5 feet tall and skinny as a rail. and this is how it went down:

i sat across from her in a booth at the house of prime rib on van ness. i ordered the regular cut, which is "A hearty portion of juicy, tender beef." and watched as she smiled at me and ordered the king henry cut, which is "Extra-generous, thick cut of prime beef, for king-size appetites."

at least i felt that i could partially redeem myself at least by using the manliest of sauces: the "extra hot" horseradish. unfortunately, i could only consume this sauce in the smallest of quantities, whereas my opponent across the table remarked offhandedly "i like the extra hot one". and so i resigned myself to the "medium" level of horseradish.

now at the house of prime rib, they allow you to have a second slice of prime rib if you should so desire. and when i saw her order a second, i knew that this was my last chance at redemption. so in spite of my protesting belly, i ordered a second slice. after about half of the second slice, i stared in the face of defeat and had no choice but to give up my eating champion aspirations. i could only cut my losses by squishing the remaining beef into as small as a volume as possible so as to appear as if i had eaten more than i really had. i shamefully raised my eyes in time to see her give me a contented smile and console me by saying how everyone was always surprised by how much she could eat.

at least, i can rest knowing that i was bested by my own cousin. a cousin to be reckoned with for sure.