stuck in a jam

i was driving home one night, when i had the feeling that i had to relieve my bladder. it was not the "i have to go right now" type of feeling, but more of a "i would really like to go right now" kind of feeling. since i was about 20 minutes away from home, i figured i could wait. a few minutes after thinking this, cars started slowing down. unfortunately, this wasn't a case of "slow down because there are a lot of cars", it was more of a "slow down because the cars ahead of you aren't moving because of an accident" sort of case.

so i sat there. in a jam. car not moving. for twenty, thirty, forty minutes. while my car was not moving, my legs were certainly bouncing from the anticipation of what must inevitably come--for when it comes to matter of the bladder, complications can certainly get messy.

at first, i contemplated simply getting out of my car and urinating on the highway median. alas, a logjam of cars watching on while i performed deterred such a plan of action. i started looking around my car and my eyes set up on the very cause of my demise--a 32 ounce soft drink container. the cursed cup might save me yet!

when i picked up the cup, i found that it was mostly full. perhaps 28 ounces of the sugary drink was still in the cup. not wanting to waste, i proceeded to drink most of the beverage--enough to ensure (by my best estimation at least) that i would be able to fully relieve myself without any overflow.

the moment of truth had come. i removed the straw and lids to the cup, unzipped my pants, and positioned myself, ready to release the impending torrential flow. i glanced furtively at the two scantily clad young co-eds who had just pulled up beside me in a convertible. just before release, i noticed that the cars in front of me were moving! i depressed the accelerator and moved my car ahead along with the cars around me, only to come to a stop 50 feet later. then we moved again. and stopped again. while i am reasonably confident of my multitasking abilities, i did not feel dexterous enough to pull off a pee-in-the-cup while navigating stop-and-go traffic.

lucky for me, there was a carpool lane exit coming up soon on the left (i was in the leftmost lane of a 4 or 5 lane highway), which i took. that took me to another freeway where i quickly exited at the first opportunity. but where could i go? i passed by an apartment complex... office building... before i finally stumbled upon a gas station. there, i was able to pee.

and that's all i have to say about that.